Sly Boots

Week of Revelations

I hope my posting on this blog isn’t reflective of the frequency (rather, infrequency) with which I have something interesting to say. If it did, I wouldn’t be surprised. Hell, throw it on the pile of self-reflection I started…when was it, last Sunday?

I was having lunch with some friends, and one of them was talking about how her mother was driving her stepfather, who had recently been laid off, crazy, wanting to make plans and figure out what they were going to do to support themselves. As a friend, your first instinct is to just agree and say, ‘oh yeah, that lady is crazy’ and I did, at first. And then I started to think about it a little bit and I realized that I would do almost the exact same thing. Hopefully not to the level of neurosis that my friend’s mother seemed to take it, but I would be worried, I would want to make a plan, I would want to sit down and talk about how our lives are going to change, etc; I had always thought that this was a responsible, mature way to handle a situation like this, but I realize (if the reactions of my friends are any indication) that, indeed, the correct approach would have been to let the stepfather take some time, find another job, and figure out things for himself.

I am what some would call a ‘control freak’. I had always thought that this need to be controlling was founded somewhere in the rubble of past relationships and the feelings I had had that if only I had done…’this’ or ‘that’ then things would be different. If only I was some sort of god-like creature that could see into the minds of ex-boyfriends, and have all the information, I could have made something better from it.

I think now, though, that the need to control has always been there, maybe because of being an only child, or reading so much as a child (being able to stop the book/stop the world when I felt like it), or feeling so out of control when I was younger—whatever the case, the controlling thing in relationships is the symptom, not the cause.

This blog is long enough for this particular revelation. The revelation I had on Wednesday—potentially far more shocking and painful soon (or, lets face it, never?) to come.

Hello again

So, the last time I posted on this thing was at the very beginning of the semester. It’s now the week after the end of the semester, so do the math. I’m horrible with blogs; I don’t know why I keep trying to do them besides the fact that I enjoy them when I remember to update. And I’m remembering now, here, what, four months later?

Lets see, what has transpired in the last four months? I took three awesome classes that I really enjoyed and wrote two of the worst final papers for those classes that I’ve done in grad school.

I was a ‘grading assistant’ in two sections of multicultural film. Probably the low point of my semester, mostly because I was shocked at how little the students knew or care to knew. But I have to remember that undergraduates aren’t concerned so much with learning something as getting a good grade; I certainly wasn’t. I wish that I had paid more attention and that my teachers had set higher standards for my work.

Also, I switched from Humanities to American Studies. Switching your major as a graduate student seems a little weird, but knowing me and my inability to make a decision and stick with it, it was really inevitable. I just wish it had been inevitable earlier, so I wouldn’t have wasted my time on all these classes I’ll not really need. I’m switching because Humanities didn’t feel quite right and it certainly didn’t feel inviting. American Studies has a lot of my favorite people I’ve met in my grad studies and allows for not only a lot more freedom in my school work (as long as it’s American, it’s gold) but freedom in my teaching as well.

Probably the biggest thing that’s happened this semester is that I’ve gotten the chance to develop and teach my own course through American Studies, The Modern American Horror Film. It’s been a lot of work and this christmas break is going to be fairly frantic trying to put all of the finishing touches together and finalize a lesson plan but I’m really excited about it. It filled up quickly and I think I will be able to balance fun and learning. I hope I will, at least.

And there’s my redheaded stepchild class, a web section of Multicultural Film. I would really just like to set everything up and let it sort of work itself as the semester goes on. I’ve got a lot to worry about with my other class.

And that’s about it. Kev and I went to screamfest, which was kinda more sad than fun (I did eat the best omelet of my life, though) and Kevin got the idea for a new podcast and movie watching group, the Trash Cinema Collective (hopefully more about this as it develops). Of late, I’ve been trying to clean the house and make it more conducive to our living habits. We were pretty close to moving, but it’s such a hassle and we’d be moving right at the beginning of a new semester, which would be an even bigger pain

I’m hoping that next semester (I only have classes on T/R. Booyah!) I’ll be able to get a part time job, I need the money (who doesn’t, these days) and I’ll have some more free time. I’m still waitng to figure out if I am going to do two or three classes in addition to teaching next semester. I’m leaning towards two, but maybe my schedule will be accomodating enough for three.

So I”ll probably update this thing through Christmas break and forget all about it come Spring semester. You’ve (I’ve) been warned.

A Note to Maude the Ipod

I’m listening to my Radiohead station on Pandora this morning and a song from Modest Mouse’s The Moon and Antarctica just came on. I had forgotten how much I love that album and really, in the wake of their last horrible album, how much I love that band.

And Pinback came on my Radiohead station too! (attesting, I’m sure, to Radiohead’s far reaching badassity)

Why have I not been listening to these bands? I still love them as much as I ever did, probably more now with that extra boost from nostalgia. I think it’s because I mainly listen to music on my Ipod which is a horrible, awful idea. My Ipod Maude gives me too much license to skip to songs, find that one song I really want to listen to (and usually that one song for me is some hipster thing that I’ve gotten over in a matter of days.)

In trying to find that one song, I also skip over all the new stuff I put on the Maude in a misguided effort to expand musical horizons, etc and I skip over favorite bands because they have so become part of my established musical landscape (to extend the music-land metaphor) that I don’t even notice these bands anymore.

So Maude, I’m going to take a break from you. At least until I can load you up with old favorites and force myself to really listen to them instead of shuffling songs and then just skipping to that yeasayer song. I will still visit on Mondays for This American Life, but I am going to see where this Pandora thing takes me, I think we are really connecting.

Really, it’s not you, it’s me.

Gettin' Oriented

Next week is the first week of classes and so this week I’ve got a bunch of orientations that I probably should have had at the beginning of my graduate career. I actually really enjoy orientations and workshops and stuff like that, it’s like school with no real responsibilities. And these orientations are full of practical information *sigh* how I love practical information…

I’ve started doing this thing called Bookmooch, where you list all the books you don’t want this website and people mooch them for you for free. You get points and then you can mooch books from other people for free. Of course, it’s not really free because you still have to pay shipping to send your books out, and the site rarely has books I want to mooch so the endeavor is not quite as successful as I’d wished. It would have been greatly so if I was going to keep the class that needed all these books that I had planned to mooch, but I don’t really need to keep it.

Because, hallelujah, I only have to take three classes next semester instead of four. I still have to sign up for twelve hours (maybe I’ll wait to see what the syllabus for Women’s Writers is like before I drop it. It just has about twenty books) but I can take the extra hours in supervised teaching hours.

I hope this semester goes by as quickly as the last. I know I’ll probably look back on this time in my life and wish that I had enjoyed and savored it more, but I feel like I felt in high school, wanting to speed it all up and move on to the next stage of my life.

Oh well, off to buy books for the classes I know I’m taking and, perhaps, get a coffee? A sweet, sweet cup of coffee.

Aww!

Hump Day Dreaming

It’s been awhile, I know. I’ve been slaving away at school, trying to finish up all of things due on THE LAST DAY of class. But’s it’s all done now and I got my grades back and I got all A’s! (Of course, they also came with a note saying something about how I still owe tuition and blah blah accounts recievable. All my shit it paid for, yo. I don’t know what these bitches are talking about. )

Anyway, this is my last week at work and obviously because I’m not there, I’m taking it really seriously. I should try to get as much money from them as I can, but I really only have this one week off in earnest before I go back to the grind and I’d just assume only go to work when I have work there to do. The fact that they run out of work so often really shows what a necesary part of the team I am, so I’m losing a lot of sleep about it.

Finally, though, as a result of all of my efforts this summer, I got fully funded through my department. I don’t know if everyone got fully funded…probably, but that doesn’t mean that I am any less excited about it. My schedule is going to be nutzoid but I don’t have to worry about going back and forth to a job I hate. I will actually have to work less hours a week, as a whole and get paid more. I’m still not going to rush out and buy a speedboat, but I hope I can live on it without dipping into my quickly diminishing wells of credit.

I am going to try to get a haircut today. I just need to come to terms with the fact that my hair grows out and not down and thusly I can’t really sport long hair with my schedule and lack of styling prowess.

Maybe I can take a vacation on my labor day weekend. I have Fridays off…Where would I go? And how would I pay for it?

All great questions for a hump day dream.

HGTV is my god now

Why am I obsessed with this channel? I watch it non stop and I don’t even have cable (thank you again, internet. For everything). Maybe because I am sort of fascinated by looking at other people’s houses (and scoping out new houses for myself) but I could watch home improvement shows literally all day. I’m watching one right now as I write this.

I’m also doing the wii fit, because I think I’ve gained back all the weight I lost at the beginning of the summer. It just goes to show that I have to keep it up, and that walking around campus isn’t good enough exercise (especially supplimented with fast food and chips). But I know that I can get it off again and I will. Again, it all goes back to changing the diet. Which is always a big problem

But…I just got an awesome email from a professor complementing me on a presentation I gave. It made me cry a little with happiness. I need little things like this to keep my enthusiam up, to keep me believing that I’m doing the right thing.

Kevin is heading out to chicago tomorrow. I really am excited for him, even though I’ll be home all weekend writing a 15-page paper. But I think I’ll get a lot done being here by myself…I’m just going to lock myself in the house and get shit done. I’m kinda looking forward to it, oddly enough.

That was a sort of fractured, frantic entry, which is appropriate as it reflects my mindstate right now. I wish I had design talent (<—see?)

Kitty + Nuts = Monday!

Nothing like starting out your week with a picture of a kitten and some nuts.

Anyway, my constructive, beginning of the week list thing that I was determined to do went to shit, so instead I’m going to write out a to do list for the next two weeks:

1. Mulvey Presentation (Tuesday) Finish speaking outline, Give

2. Butler Paper (Aug 8) Finish reading Butler, try not to kill myself, read up on necessary materials, pray other books get here on time, write paper, turn in

3. Lookout paper-write

4. Constant Gardener paper-write

5. Bordertown presentation-watch movie, meet with catherine, put together probably at last minute. Try to keep interest, what with this stupid presentation being due at the same time as a paper worth 40% of my grade is due in another class.

6. Laundry

7. Clean out Car

8. Get loyalty oath notarized (actually, find where I put loyalty oath first), turn in

9. Exercise because I’m gaining back the 15 pounds I lost in the first half of the summer

10. Call the lady from the GSU back and, I guess, help out?

11. If, in a week, I don’t get my check from College Candy, email them again and threaten with complaining to the BBB. Honestly, I don’t know what I am supposed to do.

and, most importantly,

12. Get coffee. Now.