Sly Boots

Week of Revelations

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 10:27:04 -0400

I hope my posting on this blog isn’t reflective of the frequency (rather, infrequency) with which I have something interesting to say. If it did, I wouldn’t be surprised. Hell, throw it on the pile of self-reflection I started…when was it, last Sunday?

I was having lunch with some friends, and one of them was talking about how her mother was driving her stepfather, who had recently been laid off, crazy, wanting to make plans and figure out what they were going to do to support themselves. As a friend, your first instinct is to just agree and say, ‘oh yeah, that lady is crazy’ and I did, at first. And then I started to think about it a little bit and I realized that I would do almost the exact same thing. Hopefully not to the level of neurosis that my friend’s mother seemed to take it, but I would be worried, I would want to make a plan, I would want to sit down and talk about how our lives are going to change, etc; I had always thought that this was a responsible, mature way to handle a situation like this, but I realize (if the reactions of my friends are any indication) that, indeed, the correct approach would have been to let the stepfather take some time, find another job, and figure out things for himself.

I am what some would call a ‘control freak’. I had always thought that this need to be controlling was founded somewhere in the rubble of past relationships and the feelings I had had that if only I had done…’this’ or ‘that’ then things would be different. If only I was some sort of god-like creature that could see into the minds of ex-boyfriends, and have all the information, I could have made something better from it.

I think now, though, that the need to control has always been there, maybe because of being an only child, or reading so much as a child (being able to stop the book/stop the world when I felt like it), or feeling so out of control when I was younger—whatever the case, the controlling thing in relationships is the symptom, not the cause.

This blog is long enough for this particular revelation. The revelation I had on Wednesday—potentially far more shocking and painful soon (or, lets face it, never?) to come.

Hello again

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 10:06:48 -0500

So, the last time I posted on this thing was at the very beginning of the semester. It’s now the week after the end of the semester, so do the math. I’m horrible with blogs; I don’t know why I keep trying to do them besides the fact that I enjoy them when I remember to update. And I’m remembering now, here, what, four months later?

Lets see, what has transpired in the last four months? I took three awesome classes that I really enjoyed and wrote two of the worst final papers for those classes that I’ve done in grad school.

I was a ‘grading assistant’ in two sections of multicultural film. Probably the low point of my semester, mostly because I was shocked at how little the students knew or care to knew. But I have to remember that undergraduates aren’t concerned so much with learning something as getting a good grade; I certainly wasn’t. I wish that I had paid more attention and that my teachers had set higher standards for my work.

Also, I switched from Humanities to American Studies. Switching your major as a graduate student seems a little weird, but knowing me and my inability to make a decision and stick with it, it was really inevitable. I just wish it had been inevitable earlier, so I wouldn’t have wasted my time on all these classes I’ll not really need. I’m switching because Humanities didn’t feel quite right and it certainly didn’t feel inviting. American Studies has a lot of my favorite people I’ve met in my grad studies and allows for not only a lot more freedom in my school work (as long as it’s American, it’s gold) but freedom in my teaching as well.

Probably the biggest thing that’s happened this semester is that I’ve gotten the chance to develop and teach my own course through American Studies, The Modern American Horror Film. It’s been a lot of work and this christmas break is going to be fairly frantic trying to put all of the finishing touches together and finalize a lesson plan but I’m really excited about it. It filled up quickly and I think I will be able to balance fun and learning. I hope I will, at least.

And there’s my redheaded stepchild class, a web section of Multicultural Film. I would really just like to set everything up and let it sort of work itself as the semester goes on. I’ve got a lot to worry about with my other class.

And that’s about it. Kev and I went to screamfest, which was kinda more sad than fun (I did eat the best omelet of my life, though) and Kevin got the idea for a new podcast and movie watching group, the Trash Cinema Collective (hopefully more about this as it develops). Of late, I’ve been trying to clean the house and make it more conducive to our living habits. We were pretty close to moving, but it’s such a hassle and we’d be moving right at the beginning of a new semester, which would be an even bigger pain

I’m hoping that next semester (I only have classes on T/R. Booyah!) I’ll be able to get a part time job, I need the money (who doesn’t, these days) and I’ll have some more free time. I’m still waitng to figure out if I am going to do two or three classes in addition to teaching next semester. I’m leaning towards two, but maybe my schedule will be accomodating enough for three.

So I”ll probably update this thing through Christmas break and forget all about it come Spring semester. You’ve (I’ve) been warned.

A Note to Maude the Ipod

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 10:28:00 -0400

I’m listening to my Radiohead station on Pandora this morning and a song from Modest Mouse’s The Moon and Antarctica just came on. I had forgotten how much I love that album and really, in the wake of their last horrible album, how much I love that band.

And Pinback came on my Radiohead station too! (attesting, I’m sure, to Radiohead’s far reaching badassity)

Why have I not been listening to these bands? I still love them as much as I ever did, probably more now with that extra boost from nostalgia. I think it’s because I mainly listen to music on my Ipod which is a horrible, awful idea. My Ipod Maude gives me too much license to skip to songs, find that one song I really want to listen to (and usually that one song for me is some hipster thing that I’ve gotten over in a matter of days.)

In trying to find that one song, I also skip over all the new stuff I put on the Maude in a misguided effort to expand musical horizons, etc and I skip over favorite bands because they have so become part of my established musical landscape (to extend the music-land metaphor) that I don’t even notice these bands anymore.

So Maude, I’m going to take a break from you. At least until I can load you up with old favorites and force myself to really listen to them instead of shuffling songs and then just skipping to that yeasayer song. I will still visit on Mondays for This American Life, but I am going to see where this Pandora thing takes me, I think we are really connecting.

Really, it’s not you, it’s me.

Gettin' Oriented

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:36:39 -0400

Next week is the first week of classes and so this week I’ve got a bunch of orientations that I probably should have had at the beginning of my graduate career. I actually really enjoy orientations and workshops and stuff like that, it’s like school with no real responsibilities. And these orientations are full of practical information *sigh* how I love practical information…

I’ve started doing this thing called Bookmooch, where you list all the books you don’t want this website and people mooch them for you for free. You get points and then you can mooch books from other people for free. Of course, it’s not really free because you still have to pay shipping to send your books out, and the site rarely has books I want to mooch so the endeavor is not quite as successful as I’d wished. It would have been greatly so if I was going to keep the class that needed all these books that I had planned to mooch, but I don’t really need to keep it.

Because, hallelujah, I only have to take three classes next semester instead of four. I still have to sign up for twelve hours (maybe I’ll wait to see what the syllabus for Women’s Writers is like before I drop it. It just has about twenty books) but I can take the extra hours in supervised teaching hours.

I hope this semester goes by as quickly as the last. I know I’ll probably look back on this time in my life and wish that I had enjoyed and savored it more, but I feel like I felt in high school, wanting to speed it all up and move on to the next stage of my life.

Oh well, off to buy books for the classes I know I’m taking and, perhaps, get a coffee? A sweet, sweet cup of coffee.

Aww!

Gawker Makes Predictions about Real World: Brooklyn Cast

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 16:29:33 -0400

Gawker Makes Predictions about Real World: Brooklyn Cast:

Gawker never fails to make me happy inside, today especially with its incredibly insightful guesses about the new cast of the Real World. Every season of The Real World since Hawaii has looked suspiciously like my Sophomore year of college, (read: drunken and misguided). Especially because, like me before that fateful sophomore year, it seemed to have such wonderfully interesting (dare I say noble? Nah, the show’s a little too exploitative…) intentions. Maybe MTV’s third foray into “being real” in New York will resemble the older, purer version of itself. I’m holding my breath.

The Crock of Glen Campbell

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:00:49 -0400

The Crock of Glen Campbell:

Let me preface this by saying that I grew up in the south and thusly couldn’t avoid classic country music. My mother still owns the Jeanne C. Reilly 8-track that she lip-synched to at her middle school talent show. Her most prized possession is a shirt with a possum in a rocking chair signed by George Jones (known as the Old Possum…famous for his song “I don’t need no rockin’ chair”. Get the joke?). Anyway, my point is that I’m familiar with Glen Campbell, I even respect a lot of his work, mainly the song “Galveston”.

Even knowing Glen Campbell’s music, and maybe because of it, I was shocked, SHOCKED at how much I enjoyed listening to snippits of his new album, Meeting Glen Campbell on NPR’s Fresh Air this afternoon.

It’s an album of covers ala Johnny Cash, but unlike Cash, Campbell’s voice is clear and his songs sound decidedly un-Campbell like. Sure, knowing that it’s Campbell makes it easier to recognize his twang, but his voice is unwavering and soulful and surprisingly modern. I even enjoyed the interview with Campbell on the radio program and the way he laughed off being pinned down to any genre, saying he wasn’t country, rock, or “crock”. I also learned that before getting notoriety as a solo artist, he worked as a session musician on tracks like The Ronettes’ “Be My Baby” and on Pet Sounds.

Here is the track listing for Meet Glen Campbell:

‘Sing’ - Travis
‘Walls’ - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
‘Angel Dream’ - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
‘Times Like These’ - Foo Fighters
‘These Days’ - Jackson Browne
‘Sadly Beautiful’ - The Replacements
‘All I Want Is You’ - U2
‘Jesus’ - Velvet Underground
‘Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)’ - Green Day
‘Grow Old With Me’ - John Lennon

All that being said, I’ve only heard the Travis and Velvet Underground covers but they both were fantastic, sung earnestly and phrased beautifully.

I might have to break down and buy a Glen Campbell album.

Talk about Nightmare

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 18:58:56 -0400

Talk about Nightmare:

This is the single worst piece of casting I have ever witnessed in my life. Worse than Tara Reid as a rocket scientist or whatever in Alone in the Dark, worse than-you know, I am so disgusted that I just can’t think of anything else. I’m horrified for all the wrong reasons.

Hump Day Dreaming

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 08:38:39 -0400

It’s been awhile, I know. I’ve been slaving away at school, trying to finish up all of things due on THE LAST DAY of class. But’s it’s all done now and I got my grades back and I got all A’s! (Of course, they also came with a note saying something about how I still owe tuition and blah blah accounts recievable. All my shit it paid for, yo. I don’t know what these bitches are talking about. )

Anyway, this is my last week at work and obviously because I’m not there, I’m taking it really seriously. I should try to get as much money from them as I can, but I really only have this one week off in earnest before I go back to the grind and I’d just assume only go to work when I have work there to do. The fact that they run out of work so often really shows what a necesary part of the team I am, so I’m losing a lot of sleep about it.

Finally, though, as a result of all of my efforts this summer, I got fully funded through my department. I don’t know if everyone got fully funded…probably, but that doesn’t mean that I am any less excited about it. My schedule is going to be nutzoid but I don’t have to worry about going back and forth to a job I hate. I will actually have to work less hours a week, as a whole and get paid more. I’m still not going to rush out and buy a speedboat, but I hope I can live on it without dipping into my quickly diminishing wells of credit.

I am going to try to get a haircut today. I just need to come to terms with the fact that my hair grows out and not down and thusly I can’t really sport long hair with my schedule and lack of styling prowess.

Maybe I can take a vacation on my labor day weekend. I have Fridays off…Where would I go? And how would I pay for it?

All great questions for a hump day dream.

HGTV is my god now

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 10:59:27 -0400

Why am I obsessed with this channel? I watch it non stop and I don’t even have cable (thank you again, internet. For everything). Maybe because I am sort of fascinated by looking at other people’s houses (and scoping out new houses for myself) but I could watch home improvement shows literally all day. I’m watching one right now as I write this.

I’m also doing the wii fit, because I think I’ve gained back all the weight I lost at the beginning of the summer. It just goes to show that I have to keep it up, and that walking around campus isn’t good enough exercise (especially supplimented with fast food and chips). But I know that I can get it off again and I will. Again, it all goes back to changing the diet. Which is always a big problem

But…I just got an awesome email from a professor complementing me on a presentation I gave. It made me cry a little with happiness. I need little things like this to keep my enthusiam up, to keep me believing that I’m doing the right thing.

Kevin is heading out to chicago tomorrow. I really am excited for him, even though I’ll be home all weekend writing a 15-page paper. But I think I’ll get a lot done being here by myself…I’m just going to lock myself in the house and get shit done. I’m kinda looking forward to it, oddly enough.

That was a sort of fractured, frantic entry, which is appropriate as it reflects my mindstate right now. I wish I had design talent (<—see?)

Kitty + Nuts = Monday!

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 08:58:06 -0400

Nothing like starting out your week with a picture of a kitten and some nuts.

Anyway, my constructive, beginning of the week list thing that I was determined to do went to shit, so instead I’m going to write out a to do list for the next two weeks:

1. Mulvey Presentation (Tuesday) Finish speaking outline, Give

2. Butler Paper (Aug 8) Finish reading Butler, try not to kill myself, read up on necessary materials, pray other books get here on time, write paper, turn in

3. Lookout paper-write

4. Constant Gardener paper-write

5. Bordertown presentation-watch movie, meet with catherine, put together probably at last minute. Try to keep interest, what with this stupid presentation being due at the same time as a paper worth 40% of my grade is due in another class.

6. Laundry

7. Clean out Car

8. Get loyalty oath notarized (actually, find where I put loyalty oath first), turn in

9. Exercise because I’m gaining back the 15 pounds I lost in the first half of the summer

10. Call the lady from the GSU back and, I guess, help out?

11. If, in a week, I don’t get my check from College Candy, email them again and threaten with complaining to the BBB. Honestly, I don’t know what I am supposed to do.

and, most importantly,

12. Get coffee. Now.

Reaching new levels of sleepy inconstancy

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 08:45:18 -0400

I seem to be backsliding into my former late-sleeping life. I was doing so well at the beginning of the summer, waking up at 6:30-7, exercising everyday, eating, well, not so well, but still. I felt like I was adulting up a little.

That being said, I feel I get plenty of exercise walking around campus in the massive, amorphous humidity shroud. And I suppose it says a lot that I enjoy waking up early at all, right?

On a completely different subject, I’ve got a presentation today on the Great Debaters (which Kev and I refer to as The Master Debaters because we are 12). I had to watch it again last night and I still didn’t care for it. Everyone else loved it though, making me more ashamed.

It has some beautiful shots, but it could have benefitted from some serious editing, especially considering what a fraction of the true story they actually told. It make me feel like they would rather advance their own agenda (which smells suspiciously of revisionism) than give an accurate portrayal of what is really an amazing piece of history. The plot moved molasses slow and while they were talking passionately about equal rights for blacks, they made sure their wives were locked away in the house, peeling potatoes and not getting involved in political matters. Which is sad, because the political matters (and I feel like this was, perhaps, a message of the film) need to be talked about, debated, by everyone.

White shame

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:48:23 -0400

I’m offically over the halfway point of the semester by about an hour. I am given little happiness from this when I consider how bottom-heavy with work the second half of the semester is. Yes, I know, all semesters are like this. I don’t care, I want a bigger feeling of relief.

I’ve got a 15 pager on a fairly obscure article from which I’ve formulated a very obscure paper topic, a 60-min class I’ve got to teach (which, I have to say, I’ve started a really sexy powerpoint for. It’s appropriate-it’s on the filmic gaze) and various other smaller papers and presentations. Not too bad, but as I said, when you see the finishing point in the horizon, it’s made less beautiful by miles of ugly mountains.

I watched The Great Debaters yesterday for one of my aformentioned presentations and I’m reminded of a sentiment by Benedict Anderson, something about not being a part of a nation until you feel shame. The Great Debaters really loaded me up with white shame, so I guess that means I’m an American? Or white? I don’t know, because I feel more anger about my shame and the way it was forced upon me than actual shame itself.

I think it just speaks to my dislike of any sort of art that demonizes a whole set of people. If it was a movie about women’s rights, I would get annoyed if every male was devious and unsympathetic.

Not Down with the Sickness and the mythical Panel of Truth

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 08:35:00 -0400

So I’ve got some sort of…ailment. I don’t know what it is, though, so I don’t know what to take to get rid of it. Sinus medicine? Cold medicine? Oxycotin?

So i’m just chugging nyquil before I go to sleep and taking excedrin during the day. If we were so intelligently designed, why didn’t ‘god’ equip us with some sort of panel that tells us what is wrong with us, instantly. You know, like cars have. ‘God’ designed cars better than people?

But I propose that this panel also tell you when you are being a dickhole and when you are doing something that you shouldn’t be. Like now, my panel would be flashing bright red and saying “Jessica, you need to stop screwing around on your pointless blog. Finish any of the piles of homework you have, go to CVS to get medicine for your as yet undetermined illness and stop thinking about getting coffee when the last thing you need is to be more dehydrated.” (It’s a big panel).

Wouldn’t that be nice? To always know what you should be doing? I would argue that it’s not always self-evident. This morning it is, but in, say, fights with your significant other, it would be nice to know who was really right so you could both shut up and move on with your lives.

I’d really like my Truth Panel (maybe I should patent this?) to tell me if I’m going down the right path with my decision to go to grad school.

But that would just be too easy, wouldn’t it? Eventually the Truth Panel would evolve and gain artificial intelligence, making all of our decisions instead of showing us the right path. So I guess its best that there was never any such thing. Besides the ethical and philosophical implications of having a box that new instinctively what was right and what was wrong (would it, in turn, become god?), it would probably lead to the end of the world. Or complete world peace. I guess we’ll never know…

Ever have one of those two and a half weeks...

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:48:38 -0400

…where nothing/very little seems to go right?

You have?

I should stop bitching because everybody has bad days and at least I don’t live in Guatemala?

I guess you are right.

But before I go and wallow, I just wanna say goodbye Bryant Park Project. You will be missed. Especially if NPR doesn’t leave your archives up on its website for me to plunder while at work.

Thank you NPR, for the image and for, well, everything.

Today sucked

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:36:24 -0400

Hang in there!

Week 3 Objectives

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:30:59 -0400

I think that henceforth I will start out the remaining weeks of Pedagogy Boot Camp (PBC) with a nice, strong, constructive list about my goals and duties for that forthcoming week.

Goals/Duties for Week 3

-Finish and present the Hall Powerpoint

-Well, Okay, read Hall first and then do the powerpoint

-Reread the Bridget Jones Chapter and write a kick ass essay

-Do all my readings for class in a timely manner

-Meet with the Humanities Guy and get my money situation straightened out.

-Deposit paltry joke of loan check.

-Go grocery shopping with money from paltry joke of loan check

-Look into prostitution or egg donation to make up for amount missing from paltry joke of loan check

-Limit coffee drinkage to one a day. It might just be one Huge serving, but still, only one.

-Try to stave off oncoming sore throat and the cold or some other such undesirable malady it will undoubtably bring with it.

-Get Started on week 5’s Powerpoint on Mulvey

-Okay, read Mulvey first. Get started on that this week.

-Do the laundry that you should have done this weekend while you were writing rambling blog posts and watching Unsolved Mysteries

(Jessica, this is the ghost of Robert Stack. Stop wasting your time making fun of the people who think they are psychics and get your shit together.)

-Flesh out some ideas about final paper for P-Core. I’m thinking Velvet Goldmine and the chapter on Queer theory. Man that movie kicks ass. I need to get the poster.

-Stick to daily calorie allotments and get some extra exercise by walking around campus. In the sticky heat or inevitable rain.

-By force of will alone, try not to allow car to die in decidedly unopportune time. Or at all.

There. That sounds good.

Unabomber + Zodiac....Same Guy?! (no.)

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:32:00 -0400

Seriously, when did it get to be Sunday? I feel like I was cheated, I want to start back over at Friday and sit on my ass for three days straight all over again.

Sundays would be the perfect day if not for the dark hovering cloud of Monday. Sunday almost forces one to be unproductive. Today has been especially bad, I slept in until 8:30 (scandalous!), watched cable (HGTV), took a nap and now I’m watching the laziest of lazy-inducing shows, Unsolved Mysteries. They are trying to convince me that the Unabomber and the Zodiac are the same guy. see? V

thanks for the picture, zodiackillerfacts! But I’m not convinced.

Also, I’m slowly coming to terms with that what has been a fleeting desire for coffee is morphing, with the help of Humanities boot camp, into a full-blown addiction. I want starbucks right now. I don’t need it; i’m not doing any school work today and I don’t need to stay awake. I just want it. I actually have an espresso machine still in it’s box. My kitchen was made, obviously, for infants or skinny midgets with no appliances so I don’t have room for it.

Speaking of Humanities boot camp- Well, let’s not speak of it.

What a day this has been/What a rare mood I'm in...

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 09:14:10 -0400

…okay, it’s not rare (contrary to the tone of the last entry), but I’m in a great mood this morning.

(I was trying to find a really obnoxiously happy sun. Think I did it.)

I’ve got the prospect of coffee waiting, my check is in the mail, my hair is doing well so far today (hell, I might just keep it long!) and i’m done with my second out of six weeks of pedagogy boot camp, it’s really flying by.

I even sat down and tried to write last night. I didn’t get far at all (four lines, but who cares!) but it felt nice to try. It felt nice to be proactive instead of just planning.

Now, on to bloggy, less touchy feely things.

My two favorite words of the week are: Longinus (a philosopher who theorized about the Sublime. Hated reading it, loved saying it) and caulk, as in the thing that my landlord is going to apply to my bathroom this afternoon. If you knew my landlord (who is lovely) and if you were 13 you would maybe find this funny too.

I've exhausted the internet? I've exhausted my life?

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 09:03:00 -0400

Usually, I wake up early in the morning (earlier lately) so I can have an hour or so to myself in the morning before having to enter the real world. As an only child who lives with someone (who I dearly, dearly love) I need a little Jessy time, it’s for recharging and recentering and blah blah blah. I spend it screwing around on the internet, looking for apartments and jobs in Chicago and Austin, doing a little extra contextual reading for my classes, checking email, facebook, checking for freelance leads, etc etc etc

(Is it still cool to use lolcats? I’m not hip, I still think the chocolate rain guy is funny)

Well this morning, I woke up and realized that even though the internet is seemingly infinite in its vastness, I’ve kind-of exhausted everything I usually do. I’ve got my routine down to about five minutes, which leaves the rest of my Jessy mornings to…yoga? No, because I’ll get all sweaty before school. Getting ready for school? Yeah, but that only takes about twenty minutes, I’m pretty low main.

Well, obviously it leaves that extra time for blogging. Durhan.

But that leads me to the horrifying thought that perhaps I’ve exhausted blogging topics. Which leads me to the even more horrifying thought that I’ve exhausted my life. Because what is going on now is still what is going on when last I wrote (freaking out about school, loving neko case, having huge, frizzy hair) and to write about it again would be breaking an unspoken blog of honor code (something about thou shalt not write about the same thing lest thou borest thy two readers).

How depressing. Is my life that boring? Am I misspending my Jessy time? Should I be using it to, like, join organizations? Plant trees? Or, heaven forbid, work?

I guess I just need to get better at writing about the minutiae of my life? Like thoughts and stuff and not just greater themes?

I’ll start now:

Man, I am going to get some Starbucks today. Because talking about Hume and Kant for two and a half hours is going to make me sleepy.

I wish I lived in an apartment with a fitness center. ‘Cause free step on wii fit is getting old, ya’ll

…okay still need a little work.

Maniacal Laughter...

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 20:10:36 -0400

…as soon as my loan money comes in I’m chopping my hair off. This shit is getting to be bananas.